The only acceptance you need is from yourself. Block out other people's opinions. You are doing this for you. Progress takes time. Be patient. Unknown
This time last year, I was making preparations for writing my essay for my application to take part of the FIT Challenge. When I found out this past January I was accepted to participate, there were lots of emotions going through me. I was happy, overjoyed, scared and fearful of making a fool of myself during process.
However, no matter what I was feeling, I knew I could not let temporary feelings control a permanent decision upon my life. I knew that no matter during the six months that were promised in the gym with a trainer, I had to take full advantage of that time in order to get healthy so that I could get the rest of my life back. Realistically, six months really is not a long time when you have a life time of mistakes to fix.
When I applied for FIT, I knew I was unhealthy and needed help. I knew the extra weight was not good for me, especially being "Hobbit" sized. I knew if I didn't get help, that I would not have a lot of time left because I was slowly killing myself with my diet and lack of exercise.
However, I will admit that none of those reasons were why I applied. Yes I wanted to lose weight, but it was for the wrong reasons. There was somebody that I was interested in, and thought that by losing the weight that it would help my chances of a relationship with them.
Over time, I realized that it was pointless, and that in order for my journey to be worth it, is that I truly had to learn to love myself and forget what others thought of who I was. In the end when I get to where I need to be physically, emotionally and mentally, I have to live with myself and be okay with who I am. The opinions of others don't matter because not all of them will be standing at the finish with me.
Yes, I want my trainer, Ryan Rose at Health and Strength, to be at the end and be proud of the results we have reached together. However, I know now that it is very important that I learn to accept my life decisions and be proud of the person that I am now and love her. Despite my past, my flaws and scars, they are part of what made me who I am today. Hopefully, my journey will be something that can help to inspire others.
I admit, that it has been a struggle through out this journey. There were moments that I came very close to giving up and walking away from it all. In the end, I stuck it out because I would not be able to live with myself for walking out on myself when I was given an opportunity that is priceless and has given me a new lease on life. What I have gained from FIT, you can not put a price on that and I am forever thankful and blessed for it.
For those of you that are thinking of applying for FIT, or already have, make sure that you do it for yourselves. It will only work for good if you are doing it for you and no other reason. It took a lot for me to learn that and that I did not to be validated from anybody else in the end. Yes, I took in a lot of advice and consideration from my trainer that I knew was going to help me.
Our trainers are professionals and are there to help us. Though at times it feels like they are killing us or that they might hate us even. That is not the case, they care about our well being and want us to do better for ourselves in the end. I know that at the end of each FIT Challenge Season, each trainer wants each of us to walk away from the experience to be able to eat and train on our own.
Yes, I still see Ryan once a week. I waited two months post FIT to see him because I wanted to do it on my own for awhile. However, I chose to go back and see him because I needed to refocus and I needed his assistance in training for the Santa Hustle half-marathon.
The half-marathon is tomorrow morning at Cedar Point. It is my first half-marathon, it is something that I am very proud of considering that back in January, I was 314 lbs when I met Ryan, and could not run 10 feet without getting short of breath. Now, I am running a half-marathon!!! Realistically, I can see me walking a portion of it, ideally I would like to run all of it. BUT I am doing it. Like last year, my only goals are to finish and not come in last.
Though I know that I still have to make more changes in my life physically and mentally, they will come together at the right times. Each of the hurdles have all been worth it. I am also thankful for the people who have stuck with me through out this process, even though it was very hard at times.