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Going Into The Unknown With Faith

Its been nearly a month since I left my heart in Sandusky.  It literally was heartbreaking for me to walk away from my adult home.  I had been there most of my adult life and as much as I hated returning there in 2011, I hated that I had to leave this year.  It broke my heart into pieces. 

I know its for my own well being for now that I am studying and writing my book.  However, leaving my other family without saying good-bye shattered my world. 

One of the things that I have to adjust to right now is that I am having to figure out my new formula in which to get back into my best shape ever.  Since I am studying and writing, this means that I am doing a lot of sitting.  Something I am not accustomed to because in Sandusky, I was very physical and moving all the time. 

Since I am not as active through the day, I do not need to eat as much to fuel my body.  However, that has been a struggle.  Especially since I have tried the vegan diet for a while now.  Its hard because I have had m…
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Ever Changing Process

Its been over three years since I have taken the first step in my journey to a healthier me.  Its been a wild, crazy ride so far with a lot of battles and demons I have had to fight.  Its also held a lot of joyous occasions as well.  My heart has been so full of love and my blessings have been overflowing, even when in difficult moments.

Recently I have returned back home to New Concord, while I am in a transition mode of uncertainty.  No matter what my future holds, I know that there is a master plan out there awaiting me to meet that bridge that will heal the past and future to make the best version of myself.

Its been over three years since I have spend any significant time back in my hometown.  The last time most of my family and friends have seen me, I weight 350 pounds, and could barely do anything.  In fact, most times when I came home, I never let my friends know I was home because I was so ashamed of how big I was.

This time, though, I have not been ashamed of who I am, des…

Easing back into full training.

It seems almost impossible that its been over six months since my surgery.  Having my hernia repaired and the panniculectomy done has been such a huge blessing for me.  I feel so much better already and doing so much better than I thought.  Its been a huge healing process for me, and realizing what its like to live inside of a "normal" body that I had never owned before.  Doing things I had not experienced before.

However at the same time, there are times, even now, when I can tell my body is exhausted.  Its still in the healing process.  It was two major surgery's done at once, and took a toll on my body.  Even though it has been over six months, my body is tired and still not able to work out at full capacity like it used to.  Being the stubborn person I am, I thought I would be okay working out right away and start training the way I was  before.  

We all have our own version of normal routines.  Yes, I knew my body was sore, healing and recovering.  That it was goin…

Unexpected Change

I am a lover of quotes.  There is one I come across occasionally, and this is paraphrased, that says that God will force us to change because He knows that we will not do it on our own.  Change is scary and it is hard.  Especially when you are treading on uncertain territory and concerned about the future.

Recently, I had posted on Facebook that I had thought it would be fun to have a job entertaining children.  It was just a thought at that time, and something I really do think would be fun.  Kids are a lot of fun and can be entertaining as well.  They say some of the most random, laughable things ever. Which is one of the reasons I love being around children. 

Due to recent changes in life, my job has changed within my employer, where I will actually be working more hands on with kids.  Helping them making memories while on vacation and that they are having fun with their family!  A great way to bring positive light to others in simple measures.

For awhile, I knew a change needed…

My Darkness will Not Win

Drinking my coffee before work, I realize how different life is now for me the n it was just a few years ago.   Physically, mentally and emotionally.  A few years ago I was just barely living, going through the motions.  Many times feeling like George Bailey from "It's A Wonderful Life." Many times wondering why I existed and how much better the world would be without me.

Standing barely five feet tall, and weighing over 300 pounds, I saw no purpose in my existence.   I had no close friends to talk to and do things with. I just existed for the sake of working and eating. When I was home I spent a lot of time on the computer. I had little interaction with others.

Thankfully that started to change when I met someone at a blood drive who started giving me hope that my life was worth changing.  He and I started becoming close several months later. But that chance meeting ended up saving my life. Had it not happened, I am certain that I would have never left my dark place. T…

Back to Basics

Over the past year since returning from the Air Force Marathon, I have gone through a lot of changes.  Some great changes, and other very challenging ones.  Within a span of a month in 2015, I turned forty, my biological father died, and I ran the marathon.  All three separate events are emotional and stressful, but all three happening within a month was a bit much.  Especially when I returned from the race hurt.

It was not long after I came back and started to workout with my trainer again, that he suggested seeing a therapist.  Yes, it was bold, however, it was something that I knew needed to be done because so much was happening in my life.  I was still mentally trying to wrap my head around the fact that I was a "normal" person in body form.  However, I felt more lost and confused about my role in society and what was best for me in this life.  I knew it had to come for me and was grasping for anything to hang on to as I figured out who I was and being happy in the momen…