This past week, was an incredibly busy, rough week. A lot of long days and short nights with little down time. By the time Sunday came, I was ready to collapse on the couch and call it a week. My body needed a break, and my brain needed to shut down.
During the course of the week, I worked a lot of overtime during the day, and still made time to head to the gym for my team training sessions at night. Tuesday I ended up so frustrated and embarrassed about my inability to do simple workouts that I left the gym floor in tears. After the others left that night, I ended up staying and hitting the tire and talking with one of the ladies about my frustrations with what was going on.
It was incredibly embarrassing for me to cry in front of somebody and to open up. Both of which I do not do in person a lot. Its new for me and its hard. At no time do I want anyone to think I am weak or incapable of doing something. My life has been under going a lot of changes the last six months, and especially the last month, had made some drastic changes in how I wish to proceed with my health and training.
Change is hard to adjust for me because I am so used to routine and sticking to what I know. However, the old workouts and gym were not working for me mentally or physically. My new body was not adjusting to the old workouts. I needed to be taught new ways to help my body adjust to the new physical self so my balance could improve and I would be more functional.
In saying this, it is not meant to be disrespectful to my former gym or trainer. I just needed challenged in new ways to improve my overall health so I could improve as a person and an athlete. I was not getting that before. I was not willing to stay the same and not be pushed beyond my capabilities.
By the end of the week, there were more challenges that popped up that were not expected. Despite a few moments of break downs and tears, I got through them.
On Sunday, as I was walking home from work, I was thinking about the past week. It had been an incredibly busy week, doing a lot of overtime at work, my nightly workouts and other adult responsibilities, and a few social outings with friends.
It occurred to me that a few years ago, when I was still over three hundred pounds, that I would not have been able to get through the same week in the same way. When I weighed over three hundred pounds, it exhausted me just working a normal forty hour work week, working overtime was unheard of because it wore me out. My energy level was so low after work, that I did not bother trying to make plans after wards. I either came home and slept or played on the computer.
Though I knew a lot of people in the area, it was a rare occurrence that I spent anytime with people in social settings. It was hard and uncomfortable for me to go out. The stares and comments others would make about me behind my back were hurtful, even through I knew the weight was all my fault.
If I needed to go to the grocery store or do other errands and chores, I did them on my day's off instead of doing it before or after work because of the lack of energy. If I did go to the store before work, I dreaded it because I hated getting up early. There were days, that I would have to take a nap because it took so much energy out of me.
My sleep habits back then were horrible. No matter what time I went to bed, I would sleep until mid-morning, and still feel tired and exhausted. Back before weight loss, I worked a lot of evening shifts, and would often get home after mid-night, and could never get to sleep at a decent time. There were a lot of times, it took a lot of effort to get up early if I knew that I needed to be up early to go somewhere before work.
Now, fast forward over two and a half years later, the difference in how I respond to life is much better. Yes, there are some days that I do allow my body to sleep in with out alarm clocks to give it the much needed rest it deserves. However, those days are fewer and far between instead of being a daily habit.
There are a lot of days that I am up and moving before the sun gets up, and don't get home until late. This week, even with putting in almost 18 hours of overtime, I still managed to get my grocery shopping and laundry done, meal prep and all of my workouts in. There were some days that I felt like death, like after a harsh workout. However, I felt much better at the end of the day than what I did a few years ago.
My sleep habits, although are still horrible, I do sleep much better. I fall asleep a lot faster, and I dream now. Dreams were a rare occurrence for me at my heaviest. When my weight become a problem, I stopped dreaming. Although I still can't make it through the night without getting up a few times, my quality of sleep is so much better.
Despite the moments tears, frustrations and aggravation this week, I am thankful that I have weeks like this to remind me of how far I have come. That I am able to live life to the fullest and still make progress along the way. There are always going to be difficult and stressful situations, but they have made me a much better person in the long run, with a lot of life lessons to learn to continue to improve upon.