Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Learning to Listen

Most of the problems that occur in relationships is communication.  No matter the type of relationship, it is not immune to communication issues, especially the closer the two are to one another. 

Over the past year and a half, I have learned that the communication between my physical being and my mental being are not always agreeing on what is right for me.  There were days, at my heaviest, my physical body wanted to stop while my mental self said keep going.  There are other days mentally I want to keep going, and my body is too tired. There are also a lot of days, my trainer is the referee and tells me to not do anything, and just relax and rest. 

This past month has been hard on me both emotionally and physically.  Towards the end of April, a series of events occurred that left me completely hurt and upset.  There was a period of time when I was questioning everybody in my life, and the relationship I had with them.  Especially the ones that I had the closest contact with on a regular basis. I started to withdraw from a lot of people during this time.

Just days after the biggest blow, I started  trying to keep myself busy. This was so that I would not overeat or anything, I started doing intense workouts on my own, and doing two a days so that I could keep busy and not over eat.  Essentially, by pushing people away, and keeping busy, I was not dealing with the issues and my body was taking a massive beating due to it.  Especially since the two a days were during days that were really warm outside, and was too hot for me to be running during the day, when I know better.

By not listening to my body, and not stopping when I should have, my body started breaking out with skin irritations.  A combination of stress and over working my body physically is not a  good idea, especially when training for major races.  Due to the irritations, and the length of time I've had them, its starting to affect my training for the half marathon coming up, despite my cross training, at a lower impact level so my body can heal. 
At this point, I can say that I should know better in what to do in certain areas.  When things happen, I know I should address them with the people involved instead of ignoring or truly stating how I feel about something.  Learning which battles to fight is a struggle, because I have started to learn to stop and think about how to react to a certain situation.  Often times, I wait to long to speak up or let my feelings be known, and my feelings end up getting hurt even worse. 
One day, I will get things right.  Listening to my body and mind.  While also keeping all of my relationships healthy and dealing with what ever issues come up in a positive way so that the relationships are still maintained with no hurt feelings.



Thursday, April 16, 2015

Becoming Who I am Meant to Be

In the movie "Legally Blonde" Elle Woods goes to Harvard Law to try and win back her ex.  After a lot of challenges in the movie, Elle considers quitting because she feels she is trying to become something she is not.  Her mentor, Emmet, suggests that perhaps that maybe she is becoming who she is meant to be. 


There are times over the past year and a half I have felt like quitting on my weight loss journey.  It got hard, often.  It would have been easy to quit and stop trying to eat right, and working out.  To go back to eating bad foods and being inactive.  However, I stuck with it in the end.  There was a friend of mine that I had a conversation with last April.  We had a conversation about my wanting to quit the FIT Challenge.  He looked at me and told me not to.  Casey was like, "Don't!!! You need to be the same inspiration to others that I was to you.  You have to keep going." 

I had went home after our gym session that day and thought about what Casey had said.  I realized that it would not be just myself that I was giving up on.  That I would feel like I was giving up on Ryan as well after all the time and work he had put in to help me.  I knew Casey was right also, that my story, my struggles and my triumphs could possibly help somebody as well. 

I have stuck with my continued lifestyle change the last year and a half.  This is the longest I have ever stuck with a diet and workout plan, ever.  It has been intense, and challenging.  My whole life has changed because of a simple decision on night to apply for the FIT Challenge on a whim.  Its been the biggest blessing in my life, because it has caused me to take huge risks and sacrifices that have brought me great joy. 


Through the pain of these changes, many more blessings and happy memories and moments have occurred that I had never expierenced before in life.  Its a nice feeling to know that now, I am starting to enjoy life again, and to finally feel alive instead of going through the motions. 


I may not know the direction I am going all the time in life.  Or what I am meant to do.  At this time, it feels as if my life maybe heading in a different direction than what I am used to.  Its exciting and I am open to changes.  However, at the same time, it is very scary to take steps in changing your life's path and doing a complete life makeover. 


 Rather or not I am on the right path, I am very blessed with the positive people in my life and the changes they have helped me to make towards a more positive and productive life. I can not wait to meet the person that will be standing at the finish line and seeing the amazing person that she is becoming. 

Friday, March 20, 2015

Finding my Perfect Life through My Imperfections

"We've got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen." D.H. Lawrence

Since I started my weight loss journey through the FIT Challenge, so many things have changed in my life.  I have learned how to live a life that has added years to my life.  Eating right, getting to the gym and being more active over all, have gave me a new perspective. 

The mental changes are the most important ones that have made all the difference to my new way of living.  The new physical body that I currently use, is all because of the new mentality that I have.  Learning to eat right and exercise properly took time and effort .  I had to learn to let go of the past and negative thoughts, and emotions. 

My journey has not been easy or perfect.  There have been many times that I wanted to quit, give up and there definitely were a lot of tantrums, arguments and tears.  It was a struggle for my trainer to get me to truly talk to him about things and open up so that he could help me. 

Being deeply hurt by several people in my past really put up a lot of walls between myself and the rest of the world.  I did not trust a lot of people when I first met Ryan, especially men.  I still have those same issues.  However, it is much easier for me to talk with Ryan and trust him. 

Its still a learning process to open up to others and let them in so that I can enjoy a life that is meant to be lived, and not one that is just going through the motions.  Its all about learning to take risks and doing what is best for ourselves while being a positive reflection of those who have helped shape us into the person we are now. 

My weight loss journey with Ryan has not been perfect.  There are a lot of struggles and hurdles that had to be overcome.  Physically, emotionally and mentally, those hurdles had to be jumped over.  Some take longer to get over, and had to be faced.  We can not avoid or side step the hurdles if we want to improve ourselves. 

For myself, it seems as if I have been facing a series of hurdles recently before I reach my end goal weight.  Its something that I must embrace and learn to deal with in life.  There are always going to be tests and hurdles.  It is just a matter now for me to learn to maintain a higher standard of living for myself.  To learn to live my life, having fun and being my new self while dealing with the hurdles.  Balancing everything out in a much better way and dealing with the hurdles in a positive way instead of pouting and shutting them up with food and other poor decisions.

My life and my journey has been worth everything that has happened. I would not trade a single moment or how Ryan and I did things for one moment. Its just learning to deal with them in a more perfect manner than what I used to.  Life is a learning process that we go through no matter how old we are.  Its just finding out what works best for us.

Thursday, March 5, 2015



"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, 'I'm possible.''' Audrey Hepburn




Since participating in FIT, a lot of changes has made their way in to my life.  Eating healthy foods are now on my plate at meal time.  I am in the gym five or six days a week, sometimes twice a day.  Even running in 5k's and a half-marathon. 


The mental and emotional changes that have been made are the most surprising ones to me.  I am actually taking the time to think about my decesions and consider all options and perspectives now.  It does not happen all the time, sometimes I still fall back in to old habits.


Recently, it has been brought up to me, on several occasions, that I need to start taking more credit for my efforts and dedication to my weight loss success.  People saying, "You should be proud of yourself!"  It is very hard to hear, as well as frustrating and hurtful. 


This year, the sacrifices that I made to be in the gym daily, sometimes twice a day, eating right and driving my trainer crazy, were all things that I chose to do.  Getting up at 3:30 am. some days to work out, was something that I chose to do to get the time in that I needed to get healthy. 


Never did I think it would be an issue where I would have to say out loud on Facebook, my weekly blogs or in private conversations that I am proud of myself for what I have done.  I've always been happy with the time, efforts and dedication it took to get healthy. I just do not think its necessary to say this.


Over the coarse of the year, I have posted links to my blogs, photos and have made many other status updates about my progress on Facebook.  Something that I would not have been confident enough to do before.  Being proud of ourselves is not always saying it out loud, its in our actions as well.  Honestly, if I was not proud of myself, I would not have signed up for the Santa Hustle Half-Marathon or even agreed to do the update on my progress since winning the FIT Challenge.


Yes, I don't say everything I need to.  There are days I am not sure how or what I am feeling, so I just remain silent.  Some weeks its even more of a struggle than others to write my blogs.  Its hard to be as open as I need to be and still be honest and sincere while being private at the same time. 


This transformation has been a long process.  Its taken a toll emotionally, mentally and physically on me at times.  Yet the efforts will all be worth it when I get to my end goal weight.  Its just learning to adjust when there are speed bumps and adjusting the goals and plan accordingly along the way to make the necessary improvements.


"Progress is impossible without change and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." George Bernard Shaw

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Coming Out of a Cocoon

During the last two months, I have seriously felt like I have been dwarfed in a twilight zone, hit with one thing after the next.  Things coming out of left field that I've not been able to control, that would cause me to stress out over.  When I stress over things, I tend to over think, over eat and make very poor decisions.  All of these things are all bad by themselves, but when you mix them together, its never a good thing.  Especially when you are trying to lose weight, and in training for long distance events.

The last several weeks, I have been dealing with nightmares/ or flashbacks, what ever you want to call them of events in my past.  I had been doing very well at putting those two events in my past and keeping them there.  However,  trigger moments happen and you can not always control it when they happen.  Thankfully, its not lasted as long as it has in the past.  I have been learning how to deal with these moments much better than what I used to and have an amazing support system. 

However, do to the trigger moments and the setback, it caused me to withdraw completely from Ryan in talking to him about what I was struggling with in the gym.  It was very hard for me to open up to him about my issues, and I could feel unnecessary tension building up because of it.  Its something that I felt absolutely awful about because Ryan has been a very good friend and a wonderful trainer the past year.

It got to the point where I felt that enough was enough that I had to tell him about my struggle, despite him being a guy.  Deep down, I knew in order for him to help me, I had to open up with him, so that we could work through this together and put our resources together so that we could move forward in our progress together. 

What it came down to, was that I was embarrassed to talk with Ryan, about my insecurities about my extra skin hanging down and how uncomfortable it was for me to have it.  I try not to be a vain person, but the skin is getting in the way and causing issues for me I never thought possible.  I was embarrassed to talk with Ryan about it at first only because he is a guy, and I originally wanted a female to talk with.  However, after much thought, I came to the conclusion it was best to talk with him because we have come this far together and we could figure out together.  I had to set aside my personal issues and struggles so that I could get the right help I needed 

In the end, I know its the right thing to do, to open up to him  Though at times we may be learning together, by sticking with each other, I know we will figure the best option for both of us so that we can conquer the demons together. 

Though it has felt like Ive been in a cocoon the past couple months, one day, a beautiful butterfly will emerge

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Hitting the Plateau

One of my biggest fears during my weight loss journey has been hitting the plateau.  I had been very lucky so far that I had not hit that point yet.  Until now.

In fact,  I have only lost 9 pounds since the beginning of January.  Yes, I know that I should be happy with that loss at least because the number is still going down.  Its not going down as fast as I would like to though,

Granted, I know that I should be more realistic in my journey to wellness.  That I have to continue to my fitness goals based off of real life responsibilities and situations.  I do know that this is not The Biggest Loser and losing the weight secluded from family, friends and work.  Life happens and real life stresses are going to happen that we have to deal with in the process.

One of the hardest things for me right now is that I am struggling with self-control and my sweet tooth during the most intense situations.  At times it feels like there is that cartoon image in my head of the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other going back and forth.  Honestly, the devil seems to win more times than I would care to admit the last couple of months. 

Rather it seems to be deciding to walk to the gym in sub-zero temps or eating something that I know I should not.  Even it is something healthy, eating it at a later time in the day than I should sometimes wins out because I feel to make what I should. 

I do realize that as my weight goes down, that it will be harder for me to lose weight.  I also realize that now that as it gets harder for me to lose, I am going to have to adjust things in my workouts, increasing the intensity and adjusting my diet accordingly. 

At this time, I know that I should be training for long distance races, and I need to properly fuel my body for those sessions.  It is also a matter of doing it while I am still in weight loss mode so that I can do it right with out harming my body in the process. 

At the end of this journey, I want to be able to get to my goals with as little injury to my body and no side effects because of my dietary changes in the process.  I want to be able to do this all the right way now, during the process so that I can be completely healthy not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.  No matter how hard it is for me.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Letting Go

"Life teaches you the art of letting go in every event.  When you have learned to let go, you will be joyful and as you start being joyful more will be given to you." Sri Sri

This past month has not been the greatest in my weight loss journey.  Its been a struggle mentally, physically and emotionally.  Therefore it has hindered my progress in losing additional weight. 

In the past month, I've been hit with colds and injuries that have prevented me from being in the gym as much as I would have liked.  The injuries have prevented me from working out as hard and intense as I would like. 

When the FIT Challenge ended in late July for Ryan and I, we set a 65 lb. weight loss by the end of January.  That is not going to happen.  I have lost over 50 lbs. since July which is still good.  I know that I can be extra hard on myself and I'm trying not to stress out over not meeting the goal like I would have a year ago.

It is just a matter of me learning to readjust my diet and workout routine so that I can stay focused and stay on track with my progress.  It is important that I stay on track mentally so that I don't let myself go physically. 

One thing that I know needs to happen, is that I have to stop using Ryan as a crutch, and depending on him as much as I have.  Its come to a point to where I know I have to start doing things on my own and learning what works for me, and learning to push myself. 

Ryan has been great through out this process, and I know he wants to see me continue to do so well.  Yet, its time for me to be able to trust myself and own instincts about what to do.  This way I can have more control and confidence in my own ability.  I know and realize that he won't be available all the time and can not always help me or come to my rescue.

I know that I need to make that break now.  Its time to take the training wheels off and go forward from here.  Yes, there will be times when I'll still need additional guidance and assistance as my physical transformation improves.  Its just another step in a healthy direction to move on from here.  No matter how scary it is. 

"Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve." Unknown


Thursday, January 22, 2015

New Year, New Me, New Adventures

"If you want something  you have never had, you must be willing to do something you have never done." Unknown

Like every other year, my main goal in January of 2014 was to get my weight under control so that I could lead a more normal life and be a more productive member of society.  Doing things that others do with out being embarrassed by my weight or being held back because of it. 

By participating in the FIT Challenge, and eventually winning, it gave me the best gift I have ever received.  More time on earth to spend with friends and family making priceless memories.  That time is something you can not buy and is the sweetest and most precious gift of all. 

One of the best things I am learning through out this journey is how to love myself and to be more confident in myself, in all aspects of life.  Standing up for my actions and what I believe, regardless if somebody else agrees with me.  Its okay for me to be different from others, and that is something I am starting to accept even when its hard. 

Since I am now half of my size of what I was when I first started my weight loss, I am able to do a lot my things physically than what I was able to do before.  Though my confidence at times hinders me, because I occasionally still see myself as the "Fat Girl", I still try to move forward in the right direction. 

This week, it occurred to me that I am turning forty years old.  Therefore, in honor of my upcoming birthday, and the changes that I have occurred the past year, I am going to attempt to do forty new  things I have never done before.  It does not matter what they are, it is just important to me that I start trying new things to fit into my new lifestyle as I try to figure out who the new me is now that I am physically able to do so much more in life now. 

There are a lot of things I would like to try.  Even if I fail at it or don't enjoy the experience, all that matters is that I am doing something new.  Living life the way that it is meant to be.  With people and to the fullest.  Making memories and hopefully making a difference in other peoples lives. 

The first new thing I am doing is meeting a friend of mine, and together we are going to paint a picture with a group of others in the community.  It will be a great event where we get to socialize with others we don't know, and paint something pretty to bring home. Its a great way to meet new people and try new things.

I am hoping for many great new adventures as I take this step in my weight loss journey as I continue to expand the new possibilities that are out there. 

Friday, December 26, 2014

"You can't change the past.  What you can do is change now, tomorrow, the next day, the next month and the rest of your life." Billy Cox


 


Each year, we make a list of goals that we would like to accomplish for the incoming year. Some are small goals, while others are huge goals that may seem out of reach or far fetched.  Some of these goals are repeated each year, or a continuation of past years. 




This year, for myself, I can say that my goals are some what different than what they have been in the past, while still being a continuation of others.  In past years, weight loss was always at or near the top of my list. 




Granted in 2015. there is still weight that needs to be lost, and I will still continue down that path.  It will remain a priority  for me, because it is still inter connected with my other goals. 


In the new year I am planning on running more 5k's and another half-marathon.  One of my long term goals is to get to the point where I can qualify for the Boston Marathon for my age group.  It is a long shot right now, because the time for me to qualify for my age group right now for the 2016 race is 3hours and 45minutes.  I will get there one day.


I am going to focus more on the mental changes that are occurring right now.  There are a lot of things that I am struggling with right now as I adjust to my new lifestyle.  Relationships are changing.  Mentally making adjusting to my new lifestyle is hard.  Doing it for the public to watch is scary and hard. 


I know these mental changes have to take place.  They very much are happening and they are very hard to get through.  But it is better than ignoring the issuing and shutting it up with food.


I do want to congratulate the new FIT Challengers that started this week at their gyms with their trainers.  Welcome to the FIT Challenge Family. 


I especially want to welcome Wendy to the Health & Strength FIT Family.  I hope your ready for the most exciting, life changing experience of your life. 


I do want to add that this will be my final blog with FIT.  Since Wendy is working out at Health and Strength with Ryan, I wanted the attention on them, and not myself.  However, I do know that Robb Smithson will be writing a weekly blog now with his updates. 


I hope that each person in the FIT Family pays it forward one day.  Each of us have all been given a special gift by participating in the FIT Challenge and getting our health back.  Having that extra time now with loved ones making new memories we couldn't do before is priceless. Pay it forward in your own way, and live life to the fullest.  Godspeed my friends!





Thursday, December 18, 2014

“A diamond doesn't start out polished and shining. It once was nothing special, but with enough pressure and time, becomes spectacular. I'm that diamond.”  Solange Nicole 

As this year winds down, its only natural to reflect on what changes have occurred in our lives, and consider improvements for the new year. 

For myself, I can say that it has indeed been an a very amazing year for me.  Despite being brought out of my comfort level on many occasions and hitting some awful speed bumps, it has in fact, been  amazing.

Despite the speed bumps, I would not change anything about this year because it has helped to shape me into the person that I am becoming.  For that I am grateful because I know that the transformation is taking place for me to be the lady that I am meant to be. 

A diamond is a beautiful piece of jewelry that most ladies desire to have a piece of one day. A diamond does not start out sparkling and beautiful though.  It starts out as a piece of coal that is formed under pressure.

A lot of times, I have felt like I am that diamond in the rough.  At my worst state health wise, I was just a large lump of coal who was worthless.  However, I got to the point where I had enough of being in that unhealthy place, and decided I was ready to change for the better. 

Making the necessary changes this year to get healthy, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally has been very good for me.  Though things got hard and difficult at times, and there was a lot of screaming and tears involved with the changes.  However, in the end, those rough patches were worth it because they have helped shape me into the person that I am today, and will be a better person for tomorrow.

In the new year, I plan on continuing my quest to my goal weight.  However, at this point, I need to learn to adjust my mental state of mind to be at the same spot as my physical self.  It will take time for my physical, emotional and mental states to all be on the same page,  but it will get there.  Its just sticking with the process with out giving up on myself.

One thing is for certain is that I am very proud of the accomplishments that have occurred in my life this year.  Its been amazing to find the courage and inner strength inside of myself to be able to do things this year, that a year ago even, that I thought was impossible for me to do. 

However, its time to get rid of the  I can't attitude or saying things are impossible  Everything is possible in our lives, we just have to stop making the excuses for them and turn the impossible into reality.  Eventually the broken piece of coal that we feel like, will turn into that diamond.  We just have to stick with it and see it through.

Sticking with our goals and having faith in ourselves is well worth it in the long run.  Even if others doubt us, its well worth it in the end when we can stand before the doubters after we have conquered the impossible.

Since this is my last blog for this year, I want to wish everyone a very Happy New Year.  Believe in yourself and your goals enough to stick with them.  Don't let failure, hurdles or speed bumps along the way stop you from going after your goals.  Godspeed in the New Year.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, 'I'm possible.''' Audrey Hepburn




Since participating in FIT, a lot of changes has made their way in to my life.  Eating healthy foods are now on my plate at meal time.  I am in the gym five or six days a week, sometimes twice a day.  Even running in 5k's and a half-marathon. 


The mental and emotional changes that have been made are the most surprising ones to me.  I am actually taking the time to think about my decesions and consider all options and perspectives now.  It does not happen all the time, sometimes I still fall back in to old habits.


Recently, it has been brought up to me, on several occasions, that I need to start taking more credit for my efforts and dedication to my weight loss success.  People saying, "You should be proud of yourself!"  It is very hard to hear, as well as frustrating and hurtful. 


This year, the sacrifices that I made to be in the gym daily, sometimes twice a day, eating right and driving my trainer crazy, were all things that I chose to do.  Getting up at 3:30 am. some days to work out, was something that I chose to do to get the time in that I needed to get healthy. 


Never did I think it would be an issue where I would have to say out loud on Facebook, my weekly blogs or in private conversations that I am proud of myself for what I have done.  I've always been happy with the time, efforts and dedication it took to get healthy. I just do not think its necessary to say this.


Over the coarse of the year, I have posted links to my blogs, photos and have made many other status updates about my progress on Facebook.  Something that I would not have been confident enough to do before.  Being proud of ourselves is not always saying it out loud, its in our actions as well.  Honestly, if I was not proud of myself, I would not have signed up for the Santa Hustle Half-Marathon or even agreed to do the update on my progress since winning the FIT Challenge.


Yes, I don't say everything I need to.  There are days I am not sure how or what I am feeling, so I just remain silent.  Some weeks its even more of a struggle than others to write my blogs.  Its hard to be as open as I need to be and still be honest and sincere while being private at the same time. 


This transformation has been a long process.  Its taken a toll emotionally, mentally and physically on me at times.  Yet the efforts will all be worth it when I get to my end goal weight.  Its just learning to adjust when there are speed bumps and adjusting the goals and plan accordingly along the way to make the necessary improvements.


"Progress is impossible without change and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." George Bernard Shaw



Sunday, December 14, 2014

You get self-satisfaction from pushing yourself to the limit, knowing that all the effort is going to pay off.  Mary Lou Retton

What an amazing year this has been for me. 

As I sit here writing to tell you about my week, I seriously feel every muscle in my body.  This morning I ran my very first half-marathon at Cedar Point.  It was part of the Santa Hustle series.

Never in a million years, did I think that I would end this year with participating in a half-marathon considering that I brought the new year in weighing over 300 lbs. 

Forever will I feel blessed that I was given the opportunity to participate in the FIT Challenge.

My trainer, Ryan Rose at Health and Strength Gym has put in a lot of time to help me achieve my weight loss goals.  Ryan is always pushing harder in the gym in our workouts and encourages me to try new things that are outside of my comfort level. 

Ryan's encouragement and faith in my abilities is what made me believe that I could run in the half-marathon- and finish.  The support that I have received from Ryan as well as Bo and his wife Chris from the gym has been absolutely amazing.  Its made a huge difference knowing that there are others out there who care and support you on a difficult journey. 

During the race, it got emotional at one point.  It felt like the invisible walls were coming down.  I no longer had to hide behind them.  The past is behind me just like my former self is and her physical body.  This is a new me who is wanting better things for herself.  I was in the present moment during the race and knowing that all the work Ryan and I have put into my health transformation has all been worth it.

As I was crossing the finish line, it was great to see Ryan and Chris standing there waiting for me.  It has been amazing this year knowing that I've had the support of not just my trainer, but the entire staff and members of the gym.  Its made a wonderful difference in my life to have positive people in my life who care.  I'll forever be grateful to all these wonderful people who have touched my heart and become my gym family. 

All the work that has gone into betting healthy this year has been worth fighting for.  The mental, emotional and physical battles were hard at times.  Yet we got through them and are seeing amazing results so that better things can happen in life. 

It was a great feeling knowing that I could FINALLY run a half-marathon.  Something that at one time was impossible for me to do.  It was not the best time and I did not expect it to be.  However it shows the effort that I have put in this year to do better.  That is what I am proud of.  The effort, time and dedication that Ryan and I have put into this has all been worth it.


Friday, December 5, 2014

The only acceptance you need is from yourself.  Block out other people's opinions.  You are doing this for you.  Progress takes time.  Be patient.  Unknown



This time last year, I was making preparations for writing my essay for my application to take part of the FIT Challenge.  When I found out this past January I was accepted to participate, there were lots of emotions going through me.  I was happy, overjoyed, scared and fearful of making a fool of myself during process. 

However, no matter what I was feeling, I knew I could not let temporary feelings control a permanent decision upon my life.  I knew that no matter during the six months that were promised in the gym with a trainer, I had to take full advantage of that time in order to get healthy so that I could get the rest of my life back.  Realistically, six months really is not a long time when you have a life time of mistakes to fix. 

When I applied for FIT, I knew I was unhealthy and needed help.  I knew the extra weight was not good for me, especially being "Hobbit" sized.  I knew if I didn't get help, that I would not have a lot of time left because I was slowly killing myself with my diet and lack of exercise.

 However, I will admit that none of those reasons were why I applied.  Yes I wanted to lose weight, but it was for the wrong reasons.  There was somebody that I was interested in, and thought that by losing the weight that it would help my chances of a relationship with them. 

Over time, I realized that it was pointless, and that in order for my journey to be worth it, is that I truly had to learn to love myself and forget what others thought of who I was.  In the end when I get to where I need to be physically, emotionally and mentally, I have to live with myself and be okay with who I am.  The opinions of others don't matter because not all of them will be standing at the finish with me. 

Yes, I want my trainer, Ryan Rose at Health and Strength,  to be at the end and be proud of the results we have reached together.  However, I know now that it is very important that I learn to accept my life decisions and be proud of the person that I am now and love her.  Despite my past, my flaws and scars, they are part of what made me who I am today.  Hopefully, my journey will be something that can help to inspire others.

I admit, that it has been a struggle through out this journey.  There were moments that I came very close to giving up and walking away from it all.  In the end, I stuck it out because I would not be able to live with myself for walking out on myself when I was given an opportunity that is priceless and has given me a new lease on life.  What I have gained from FIT, you can not put a price on that and I am forever thankful and blessed for it. 

For those of you that are thinking of applying for FIT, or already have, make sure that you do it for yourselves.  It will only work for good if you are doing it for you and no other reason.  It took a lot for me to learn that and that I did not to be validated from anybody else in the end.  Yes, I took in a lot of advice and consideration from my trainer that I knew was going to help me.

Our trainers are professionals and are there to help us. Though at times it feels like they are killing us or that they might hate us even.  That is not the case, they care about our well being and want us to do better for ourselves in the end.  I know that at the end of each FIT Challenge Season, each trainer wants each of us to walk away from the experience to be able to eat and train on our own. 

Yes, I still see Ryan once a week.  I waited two months post FIT to see him because I wanted to do it on my own for awhile.  However, I chose to go back and see him because I needed to refocus and I  needed his assistance in training for the Santa Hustle half-marathon. 

The half-marathon is tomorrow morning at Cedar Point.  It is my first half-marathon, it is something that I am very proud of considering that back in January, I was 314 lbs when I met Ryan, and could not run 10 feet without getting short of breath.  Now, I am running a half-marathon!!! Realistically, I can see me walking a portion of it, ideally I would like to run all of it.  BUT I am doing it.  Like last year, my only goals are to finish and not come in last. 

Though I know that I still have to make more changes in my life physically and mentally, they will come together at the right times.  Each of the hurdles have all been worth it.  I am also thankful for the people who have stuck with me through out this process, even though it was very hard at times. 

 


Monday, November 17, 2014

"The key to success is to keep growing in all areas of life- mental, emotional, spiritual, as well as physical." Julius Erving

Each day, we should all strive to be a better person than we were yesterday, so that the person we are tomorrow will be proud of who we are today. This is something that over this past year, I have just started to take in to consideration.  Regardless of what I am doing, I have committed to try new things to improve myself.

Participating in the FIT Challenge this year with my trainer, Ryan Rose, at Health & Strength Gym, he and I have had great success in many areas of our journey together that go far beyond winning. Over coming the many smaller battles along the way, played a bigger role in my weight loss than most realize. 

The main focus of coarse is to lose weight and be healthy.  However, little did I realize when I met Ryan how much more important it was to change mentally and emotionally as well.  By changing how I thought and processed things, it was going to help me make better decisions in regards to my physical well being. 

By changing my mental aspect on life, it has allowed me to become a better person emotionally and physically this year.  It really helped me a lot earlier this year to open up to Ryan and talk with him about the different issues I was dealing with so that we could work through them together.  It really helped talking to him because I was no longer eating my emotions, I was getting my frustrations out in the gym with him, and getting a different prospective from him.  Plus, sometimes it just helps to have some body to talk with who cares.

There are many things on my journey with Ryan that I am very proud of.  However, I am most proud of the effort we put in to getting me to run.  It was a HUGE struggle for Ryan to get me to run in the early stages, and something that left in tears often because I felt like I was letting him down.  However, we got there after a long, much needed conversation in the gym one night after I was able to open up to and trust him. 

This year, I have participated in several 5K races, and have improved my times on all of them but one.  My first 5K was the Santa Hustle last year that Castaway Bay/ Cedar Point hosts in December.  This year, I am doing the run again, however this time, I am training for the half-marathon that day. It is something that I am quite proud of considering that this time last year, I could barely walk a mile with out getting winded, much less think about running a 20 feet. That in itself is a huge success. 

Overcoming my physical, mental and emotional issues this year to become an over all better person has become such a blessing.  It means that I am no longer holding myself back and taking life by the horns and living it the way it is meant to be lived.

We all have our own idea of what success means to us.  This year, has been a great year for me, because I have had so much growth in many areas of my life that I did not think was possible in such a short time. 

I have been very blessed and thankful that Ryan has been on this journey with me, and been by my side through it all.  Ryan truly has been a great asset to my life and I am lucky that he is in my life. Ryan truly invested a lot of time in me, and I strive daily to make him proud of who I've become and be a positive reflection of this amazing man.

For those who are thinking of applying for the FIT Challenge, consider the whole journey and process.  Its not just a physical journey.  Its will consist of mental and emotional changes, and it will get hard.  It will all be worth it. Your trainer is there to help and guide you through the whole process, be honest and fair to them and surely.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

"Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


On any journey we make towards reaching a goal or dream, it is most important that we believe in ourselves along the way, no matter how hard the journey is, or unexpected obstacles come up.  There are always surprises along the way, both positive and negative ones we do not expect. 


It is important not to get frustrated or caught up in the moment and lose focus in the sudden change of events.  This is all part of life.  Things happen.  Its part of life to have these speed bumps in our journey.  They are part of a greater life lesson that we will eventually need at some point. 


In my journey to become healthy, there have been a lot of setbacks through out life.  I know I lost focus many times. One of my biggest struggles was being much harder on myself than what I should have been. 


During the course of this year, one of the greatest lessons I have learned from working with my trainer, Ryan Rose at Health & Strength, is that it is to have a positive mental attitude.  That the negative mental struggles don't belong in our lives if we strive for greatness.


One of the mental challenges that I faced prior to FIT  was not acknowledging the small victories and progress along the way to the greater goal.  This is a very important step in the process to make sure we are staying the coarse.


Its a been a long journey for me.  Its now mid-November I have realized so many little changes physically since I started working with Ryan.  Recently, I attended a movie with a friend, and could comfortably sit in the seats without feeling crowded and uncomfortable.  Also, the realization that you are sitting on the floor indian style with no struggle, for long periods of time.  These are things that most people take for granted.  For me, these are small victories that bring me great joy. 


Changing mentally during this amazing transforming to a much more positive attitude has be so important.  It has been a challenge at times, and Ryan still has to remind me sometimes that I have to let go of the past, or to start adjusting to who I am now, versus who I was back in January. 


Ryan told me recently, that I needed to start doing activities that for normal sized people.  This was something that was needed to be said because I had kept holding myself back because mentally, I was still over 300lbs.  It was an amazing moment actually because in that moment, I was hearing mentally, that I was finally a normal person, even though we still are on this journey.


After Ryan told me to start doing more stuff, the next week, I started taking Yoga at my sponsor gym, Health and Strength.  Ms. Karen, the instructor, and the other ladies in class are great have made me feel comfortable.  Its also helped me tremendously to add something new to my routine.  Its a welcome addition that is both challenging and relaxing at the same time. 


Back in January when I met Ryan, never did I realize that at this point in time, we would have come this far.  The confidence that Ryan has helped me find in myself is amazing.  Overcoming those fears and believing in myself again is amazing.  The weight and getting healthy is important in this process and it is why I started.  However, everything else that Ryan has helped me find in myself is priceless and I don't want to lose that.