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What Am I Willing To Sacrafice?

"If it does not challenge you, it won't change you."

Every challenge that I have ever faced in my life, has made me a much better person.  It has made me get rid of excess baggage in my life.  I have had to let go out people in my life, or remove myself from toxic situations.  It was in these moments that I had to determine what I was willing to sacrifice in order to do what was necessary in order for me to become a better version of myself.  No matter what our goals are in life, we have to sacrifice something in order to gain another.

When I ultimately made the decision to get healthy, there were a lot of things I knew up front that I was going to have to give up.  Bad food choices were obviously one of the biggest things I was going to have to give up.  However, looking back on it now, I can say there were a lot of other things I had to give up as well in order to take care of me. 

Getting honest with myself now, I realize that I was very much a people pleaser. I was …
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Finding Love

Long before I started my fitness journey, seriously anyway, I had always wanted to know what it was like to experience love. Not just the romantic love. Love between friends, and for myself. Love for life, community, nature and being part of something greater than myself and the negative energy around me. Often times I would pray to God asking for a miracle. That I would learn to open up and experience this love that I saw so many people enjoying, and being genuinely happy. These people giving and receiving love. One day, before work, I went to donate blood. Met a guy in the process. He and I spoke the entire time, and for once, actually enjoyed the company of somebody and did not fill judged by him because of my size. Several months later, this man would re-enter my life again. Only this time, I did not remember him from the blood drive. However, it was this time that we met, that I felt almost an immediate connection with him. He obviously remembered me from the look on…

At A Crossroads

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life.  It goes on. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.  These woods are lovely, dark and deep.  But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep. " Robert Frost

Change is hard for me.  I like to keep to a system and routine.  I prefer making plans and knowing ahead of time what I am doing.  I am not good at adjusting when things get changed unexpectedly.  I do my best to pretend to be okay with the changes, and in some cases, it ends up working out for the best.  However, deep down, it makes me question things in certain situations. 

In February, I left my job and residence in Sandusky, and moved back to my childhood home to start over.  Though it was something I had been contemplating for awhile, and had been taking necessary steps to leave,  the timing of my departure came much sooner than I had …

How My Food Choices Affect My Body and Mood

When I was at my heaviest, I ate a lot of different foods.  It did not matter if I was hungry or not, I just ate.  If it was in front of me, it was gone, there was not hope at all.  So often, I did not stop to think about if I was actually hungry, thirsty, or if it was an emotional charged moment, or done under peer pressure.  Food was a constant part of my life. 
Though I knew that over eating food consumption would cause an expanding waist line, I did not care or stop to think about the price I would have to pay later in life in order to fix my body and over all health.  Its been almost three years now since I have lost the vast majority of my weight.  However, I am still recovering from the years of damage I had done to my body. 

I still have excess skin on my thighs, abs and need a breast lift. I had been seeing a chiropractor to help correct my back from years of slouching over because I was bending over with the excess weight and caused poor posture.  I also suffer from arthr…

Faith, Fitness and Friendship

Christmas is a time for miracles.  A time to believe and rely on faith and that anything can happen if you believe.  Christmas 2013 I was praying, crying and pleading with God for a chance to get healthy because I was at the end of my rope.  I was willing to bargin with God to do anything needed lose all of my extra weight.  I was 5'2 and weighed about 320 that Christmas.

My employer each year had someone play Santa for Christmas.  That year, I went up to Santa, and told him all I wanted for Christmas was for Casey and I to go to dinner, and to get a spot in the next season of the Fit Challenge that the Sandusky Register had.  Both things that was an act of faith and could not be bought.  A few nights later, Casey and I did have dinner.  A dinner that has become a tradition of ours each Christmas so far. 

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Its been nearly a month since I left my heart in Sandusky.  It literally was heartbreaking for me to walk away from my adult home.  I had been there most of my adult life and as much as I hated returning there in 2011, I hated that I had to leave this year.  It broke my heart into pieces. 

I know its for my own well being for now that I am studying and writing my book.  However, leaving my other family without saying good-bye shattered my world. 

One of the things that I have to adjust to right now is that I am having to figure out my new formula in which to get back into my best shape ever.  Since I am studying and writing, this means that I am doing a lot of sitting.  Something I am not accustomed to because in Sandusky, I was very physical and moving all the time. 

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Ever Changing Process

Its been over three years since I have taken the first step in my journey to a healthier me.  Its been a wild, crazy ride so far with a lot of battles and demons I have had to fight.  Its also held a lot of joyous occasions as well.  My heart has been so full of love and my blessings have been overflowing, even when in difficult moments.

Recently I have returned back home to New Concord, while I am in a transition mode of uncertainty.  No matter what my future holds, I know that there is a master plan out there awaiting me to meet that bridge that will heal the past and future to make the best version of myself.

Its been over three years since I have spend any significant time back in my hometown.  The last time most of my family and friends have seen me, I weight 350 pounds, and could barely do anything.  In fact, most times when I came home, I never let my friends know I was home because I was so ashamed of how big I was.

This time, though, I have not been ashamed of who I am, des…